ASSC Glossary
Version 5-Feb-99
Revised by SamKool

· Supersedes all previous versions.
· No footnotes regarding what is new, used, &/or removed.
· If it matters, it's in here. 
· If it doesn't, it's not.
· I'm a lazy fuck.
· Feel free to do your own Glossary.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(==/`=)(tm) [ALS, 6/96] - A rim shot.

-->(tm) (ALS, 8/95) - The generally accepted indicator used in the news
group "ASS-C" to designate who said what in a post.

Air Dance (ENGNR1) - When there is no contact whatsoever during a 
private dance.

AFTSD(tm), A Fail To Suck Day (SaiBaba, 12/02/96) - An annual event; the 
day when all ASSCers are called to post original, almost original, 
and/or creative articles to ASSC. All forms of written expression are 
permitted.

AGENT 1.5 - News reader for the PC. Has excellent News and E-mail 
kill filters for weeding out spam. Use Registration # JYJ13VTV-
6HXMBZFE-VFG2EKKW http://www.forteinc.com/store/getagent.htm

ALS, a.k.a.: ThePope, Victor (5/12/95) - The actual meaning of A-L-S
remains a mystery. Founder of NCSFPUB.COM, CPSF.COM, author of The
LBB(tm) & MPCN(tm). Whereabouts unknown. Rumored occupation: ASSCia Director

ASS-C (Ay-Ess-Ess-See) - (1) Alt.Sex.Strip-Clubs, the Usenet news 
group devoted to discussions about the strip club industry; (2) if you 
know what ASSC means, you are a "member" of this group; (3) a 'force' 
that is greater than its collective membership; (4) if members don't 
contribute, there is no group.

#ASS-C (ALS, 8/21/96) - The 24 hour channel on EFNET. On 8/21/96, 
11:00 PM PST, #ASS-C's first participants were: ALS, Bubba, fuf, 1 Mo'
Bob, and The Kid. IRC FAQ can be found at 
http://www.ass-c.com/ircfaq.htm

ASSC-HQ(tm) (Rinus DeGier, 3/96) - ASSC [World] Head Quarters. Location? 
Inquire with the ASSCia Director...

ASSCasino(tm) - Opened by the Doctrine King 12-Aug-98. Check with the 
bookie for the Latest Line on ASSC, ASSCers, and ASSCing. No minimum's. 
All forms of ASSCurrency(tm) accepted: LDEs(tm), 187s, CP-4-3s(tm)... 

ASSCer(tm) (Ay-Ess-Ess-See-Er, ALS, 9/2/95) - If you know what ASS-C
means, you are an ASSCer. Resistance is futile, Denial is rampant.

ASSCia(tm) (ASSCia@ass-c.com) - Don't ask, don't get killed. Rumored 
Director: ALS

ASSCing(tm) (Ay-Ess-Ess-Seeing, ALS, 9/02/95) - Posting, lurking, or
socializing with/without other ASSCers inside and/or outside a strip
club.

ASSCnn(tm) (Ted Turner, 9/21/97) - ASSC's news and information service. 
Parent company of LNS(tm). Mission Statement: "Lapping the World to bring 
you the news you need."

ASSCon(tm)-* (ALS, 4/15/96) - Prefix for the name of any ASSC event. 
i.e.: ASSCon-1, ASSCon-LV2, ASSConvoy-1

ASSCon-1 - The first ever ASSC Convention, held 5/26/96 at the CP in
SF, hosted by ALS, now an historic event. Held annually in SF.
http://www.ass-c.com/events.htm

ASSCulture(tm) (Laar, 1/14/99) - Be a part of it, or apart from it.

ASSCWeb - Maintained by ASSCWebMaster. http://www.ass-c.com

ASSCycle(tm) (ALS, 5/96) - A cycle of ASSCing; the loss and regaining 
of enthusiasm for ASSCing. The theory is that each cycle has five 
mini cycles within it, also known as 'legs' or 'waves'. After the 
fifth leg, the crash is devastating, but not unrecoverable.

ASSCylum(tm) (DrD, 2/04/99) - Take a good look around... I mean a GOOD look... 
Now look in the center... Who do you see?

ATF(tm) (ALS, 10/95) - All Time Favorite stripper. You can only have 1
designated as such at any given time. Can be a current or retired
stripper.

ATM (DougLee) - From a dancer's perspective, a strip-club customer;
i.e., a robotic device from which to extract money.

blind lap (Z Bone, 5/96) - (1) the SC equivalent of a blind date;
"BEFORE getting ANY laps, watch them do laps for other customers." 
At the minimum, watch them dance on stage. DO NOT get a blind lap. 
This is a NO NO to the max."

BLT(tm), butt-licking toady, dancer-suckup, sycophant (DougLee) - An
ASSCer whose lips instantly and firmly attach themselves to any 
poster claiming to be a dancer, will agree with any proposition she 
puts forth, defend her against any criticism, forces of darkness, 
(DougLee, etc.), and be grievously offended on her behalf when 
someone makes a comment construed as insensitive about dancers.

Bob "fill in the blank" Smyth (12/95, anon5192@nyx.net) - An SF ASSCer 
with his name divided by whatever's happening at the moment. Noted for 
his unusually comfortable ASSCing attire, pajamas.

boof(tm) (Dr.Mazoola, c.9/97) - A CP booth.

BTDT(tm) (ALS, 11/95) - been there, done that

Bubba (10/95, bth@ix.netcom.com) - a.k.a.: Purrena; A CP regular, 
pole-position pervert, Crotch Pirate, HMS(tm) occupant, ALS & Edie's 
slave puppy, and the most personable ASSCer of us all. Rumored 
occupation: Chief of ASSC Protocol

BYOD(tm) (ALS, 1/29/96) - Bring Your Own Dancer. The current favorite way 
to "One up" other ASSCon participants.

BYOSB(tm) (JasmineTea, 11/14/97) - Bring Your Own Scummy Boyfriend, 
a.k.a.: Marc182

CH - Crazy Horse, SF

ChezMaz(tm) - Dr.Mazoola's residence, which is pretty much a Stripper
Hostel for Hostile Strippers.

ClubCrud(tm) (JasmineTea, 1/15/98) - The stuff strippers need to scrub 
off of their bodies after a hard nights work.

CMG (c.12/93, cgould@ix.netcom.com) - ASSC's resident master of irony. 
A tall, attractive blonde, with nipple rings. 

CP - Chez Paree, SF

CP-4-3(tm) (Bubba, 5/96) - CPing on ThursdayFridaySaturday or 
FridaySaturdaySunday night. CP-4-4(tm) - An extension of CP-4-3(tm).

customer damage (3/96) - counterpart of "stripper damage"; customer
damage is caused by chronic exposure to high concentrations of 
stripper shit and, unfortunately, can only be treated with more 
stripper shit. compare "stripper damage"

customer shit (Saxbeat, 6/96) - customer equivalent of stripper shit; 
see "stripper shit"

DP (Z Bone, 6/95) - Dancer Politics.

DrD (Dr.D, SteveDrd@yahoo.com) - Eclectic, Schizophrenic, Eclectic 
Schizophrenic. Has Floe figured you two out yet? Rumored occupation:
Nutritionist for the ASSCia.

Dr.Mazoola (c.3/97, mazoola@best.com) - San Francisco's fearless SC
Wunderkind. Even though he was once married to a dancer, Maz continues 
to seek out their company as roommates and long-term houseguests. 
Slumlord of ChezMaz(tm). Rumored occupation: ASSCia landlord

DV or DJV - Déjà vu. A nation-wide chain of strip clubs. 

epiphanistic (ALS) - displaying symptoms of an impending Epiphany.

Epiphanizer(tm) (ALS) - a) A stripper that makes you see the light...
and destroys your life... b) MsGinger puts it like this: "The one who
brings you to this place you now find yourself..."

ESP(tm) (Dr.Feelgood, 9/09/98) - Extra Service Provider(s)

EYE (DGBrooks@ix.netcom.com) - Enigmatic, acid tongued, hard drinking, 
deep thinking, bile disgorging, cauldron stirring, mystery seeking, 
bottom dwelling, theory spewing ASSCer from Brooklyn. Intimidating 
bark, inconsequential bite. Visiting ASSCers are encouraged to take the 
EYE tour, where your host will be sure to accommodate even the *least* 
discriminating tastes. Rumored occupation: Hammer for the ASSCia.

Glossarist - Keeper of this publication.

GodziLap(tm) (Z Bone/LMR) - Getting lapped by a Godzilla sized stripper
due to the generosity of a fellow ASSCer.

gurule(tm) (Oldguru) - A gurule(tm) a day keeps the PEs(tm) at bay. Random 
example: "All waitresses should be groped."

HMS(tm) (Bubba, 3/29/96) - The High Mileage Seat at the CP. Facing the
stage, the third seat from the left wall along the tip rail. In
reality, the HMS(tm) is wherever Bubba is sitting. HMSing(tm) - Perving it 
up in the HMS(tm)

HOF(P) - Hall Of Fame (Post). http://www.ass-c.com/hitslist.htm

Hurl Story (DougLee, 8/95) - A blatantly manipulative sob story from 
a stripper that is so trite and hackneyed, it acts as an effective 
emetic.
 
IRC - Internet Relay Chat. ASSCers chat on EFNET channel #ass-c.

IRC FAQ can be found at http://www.ass-c.com/ircfaq.htm

K-Mart crowd - Cheap, non-tipping stage gawkers. K-Mart crowd control - 
Obnoxious and insulting attempts by the DJ to get the K-Mart crowd to 
tip.

kill filters - A function of some news readers that kill spam. See
"AGENT 1.5", "MT-NewsWatcher v2.x", "NewsXpress 2.0", &
"YetAnotherNewswatcher!"

LBB(tm) (ALS, 9/06/95) - the Little Black Book. An ALS publication.
http://www.ass-c.com/lbb.htm

LDE(tm), Lap Dance Equivalent (ENGNR1) - LDE = $10 as a common measure. 
This means at a place where laps are $20 you should expect twice the
happiness accruing from an average lap dance (either twice the song
length, twice the grind, or additional touchy feely stuff, or if
nothing else, making you cum). i.e.: ENGNR1 "Isn't Knott's almost as
expensive as Disneyland, $30, or 3 LDE(tm)'s, to get in?"

LDNP(tm), Lap Dance National Park - Amusement park where the family
who comes together, cums together. http://www.ass-c.com/ldnp.htm

Link (c.3/96, Linkxxxx@aol.com) - President of LNS(tm) and all of its
satellite bureau's; LNS(tm) North Shore Bureau, LNS(tm) Okeefenokee Bureau, 
LNS(tm) Pentagon Bureau, etc. Link is our "man on the beat"... if ya know 
what I mean... (==/`=)(tm)

LLCoolChez(c) - LLC's crib that's giving ChezMaz(tm) a run for his money. 
(Do you have room service?) "no... and the restroom is down the block
at the Chevron station, but we also have a steady stream of dancers..."

LMR (lmr@ix.netcom.com) - ASSC's LV SC expert, who maintains the "Las 
Vegas Strip Club Review" @ http://www.stripclubreview.com. Will lap 
anywhere: In-flight, gondola ski lift, bus, his mother's funeral, your 
mother's funeral, you name it...

LNS(tm) (Link) - Lapdance News Service. A wholly owned division of 
ASSCnn(tm). 

LRR(tm), LatherRinseRepeat (SamKool, 9/02/98) - 1) RePiphing 2) doing
something against all measures of common sense more than once.

Marc182 (12/93, marc182@primenet.com) - ASSC's resident "The-
previous-poster-has-asked-for-help-locating-a-dancer.-While-he-may-
be-sincerely-trying-to-locate-a-friend,-there-is-no-way-of-knowing-
that.-Please,-for-the-security-of-the-young-lady,-ask-her-for-
permission-before-returning-any-locating-information-to-the-original-
poster" poster. Rumored occupation: Chief of "ASSC added" Police

MB, MBOT - Mitchell Brothers O'Farrell Theatre in SF. The most unique 
strip/sexual entertainment club in the US. It's a must-see.

Mercy Dance/Tip (Siren) - Buying a dance/tipping to spare a dancer 
from absolute poverty on slow nights. Mercy tipping leads to mercy 
dances.

mileage - bang for your buck. see "YMMV"

MPCN(tm) (ALS, 4/05/96)- Mon Petite Cahier Noire (My Little Black Book).
An ALS publication; the CP equivalent of the LBB(tm). 
http://www.ass-c.com/mpcn.htm

Mr. King (mrking@value.net) - ASSC's SF Asian expert. If you have 
yellow fever, he'll find you more than one cure.

MSC - Market Street Cinema, SF. Ya wanna get laid? No problem.

MT-NewsWatcher v2.x - News reader for the Mac. Has excellent kill
filters for weeding out spam. http://www.santafe.edu/~smfr/mtnw/

NC, NCT - New Century (Theater), SF. The former home of the SF branch 
of ASSC, now abandoned by most dancers and many customers.

NewsXpress 2.0 (Win95) - News reader for the PC. Has excellent kill
filters for weeding out spam.
[ftp://ftp.hk.super.net/pub/windows95/wskutil/nx201.zip]

Office, The (ALS, 1/12/96) - the area of any strip club where ASSCing 
takes place.

Ook (11/96, ookookook@yahoo.com) - Ranting lessons? Apply within. 
Publisher of The Rant & Review(c) http://members.tripod.com/~RantNReview/

PE(tm) (ALS, 11/97) - Potential Epiphanizer(tm), a) A stripper that will 
make you see the light... and destroy your life... in the future... as in--> 
I'm not gonna Epiph, I'm not gonna Epiph, I'm not gonna Epiph, I'm not 
gonna Epiph, I'm not gonna Epiph... (60 days later) "Dear ASS-C..."; b) 
MsGinger might put it like this: "The one who takes you to that place 
you will someday find yourself..."

PL(tm)(Siren, 2/96) - Pathetic Loser; (a) The term Siren used in a 
private email to another stripper to describe ASSCers, accidentally 
posted the email to ASSC, and was flamed relentlessly by ASSCers 
whose fragile egos were bruised; (b) Saxbeat adds, "someone who 
comes to ASSC for advice on his (or her) love life."

SamKool (8/12/98, CheapKllr@HKnet.com) - Current Glossarist and lead 
bookmaker for the ASSCasino(tm). Rumored occupation: hunting down ALS 
for the Doctrine King 

SCene(tm) (ALS, 12/97) - Strip Club scene.

SFC(tm) (Bubba) - Stage/Front-Center; the best seat at CP to watch the 
stage show.

Shift Happens(tm) (Bubba) - Whenever a fave dancer does not appear on her 
regularly scheduled day or night.

Shill, shilling (Saxbeat, 10/95) - guys who work for clubs posing as
members of the public, making false club recommendations. Guys who do 
this are 'shills'.
 
SHIT!FUCK!DAMN!(tm) (TallGuy, 7/30/97) - That pretty much says it all.

Snaggy(tm) (Siren, 2/96) - 1) Sensitive New-Age Guys 2) emotionally 
weak guys who would do anything for a woman. LMR adds: it's what 
every woman claims to want in a man, but wouldn't hesitate 2 seconds 
to toss him out the door for a hardcore asshole. See "PL(tm)"

Stage Inflation(tm) (LMR, 4/97) - While sitting at the stage, customers 
start tipping more because other customers are tipping more.

Stick shifting (Z Bone and/or LMR) - This is when the dancer grabs
your bare cock with her bare hands and moves it around.

Strip club - Something you don't want to own.

Stripper Damage - The negative psychological impact of the biz on a
dancer, leading to drinking, drugs, unhappiness, etc.

Stripper Shit (Dunk On You, 4/96) - Teasing methods to induce arousal 
and cash spewing. Rubbing her leg on yours, fingernails running up and 
down your leg, standing next to you straddling your leg, etc. 

TAFKA (Saxbeat/David) - (1) The Artist Formerly Known As; (2) The
ASSCer Formerly Known As

Ted Turner (ASSCnn(tm)@ASSCnn(tm).CNN) - Founder, Chairman of the Bored, 
President, & CEO of ASSCnn(tm).

TL - Tropical Lei, Upland, California.

Touron(tm) (Ook, 8/20/98) A tourist moron with an expense account.

White Knight (DougLee) - Insane ASSCer trying vainly to save a dancer 
from squalor/drugs/ALS/etc.

X-Factor (Alan Bostick, 4/96) - attitude. "she...can convince me...that
spending time with her is the sexiest thing I could imagine doing..."

YAGB - YetAnotherGoodBye; the proclamation of an Epiphany by an 
ASSCer.

YBYOD(tm) (1/09/99) - Why BYOD if you can't hang on to her?

YetAnotherNewswatcher! - News reader for the Mac. Has excellent kill 
filters for weeding out spam. http://www.tucows.com

YHTBD(tm) (SaiBaba, 1/14/99) - You Had To Be Dere. And believe me, ya did.

YMMV, YMWV - Your Mileage May (Will) Vary

Z Bone (a.k.a.: Z, zbone@ix.netcom.com) - ASSC's LA SC expert; 
webmaster of Z Bone's LA Strip Club Connection @ http://ZBone.com. A 
wannabe DJ @ Sam's. Will 187 anyone @ the drop of a lap... well, @ the 
drop of 48 laps...