The Stage tells...

This is a conversation I had with a Dancer, whom to me, is one of 
the most thoroughly compassionate and truly aesthetic persons I know.
As much as I dislike speaking apocryphally for someone, I feel 
compelled to not disclose her name.  I'll call her CPD.

I ventured out alone from the CP for a quick bite.  There upon I 
cross her path and we just start chatting about life, much like we 
always do.  In fact, we ALWAYS do.

She's waiting for her "to go" order, so I join her at the counter.

ALS: Hey there.  What did you order?

CPD: Oh, just some farm animal.  I need my fix.

ALS: *tee hee*  Ya mean that huge-ass burrito you ate earlier didn't 
     hit the spot?

CPD: Naw, it was all rice & veggies.

ALS: I know what you mean.  If it didn't have a face, it ain't food.

CPD: (high-five's me)

ALS: Looks like your order's up.  I'll see ya back at the club.

She gets her order and sits back down next to me.
She leans over the counter with her head buried in her crossed arms.
After a long silence, she raises her head and looks at me.
She's looking very tired and glassy eyed.

CPD: Do you know how to get those prescription strength sleeping 
     pills?

No need for me to ask stupid ?'s here because I know her.
I understand her views on people, life, the world, etc.
      
ALS: Hmmm... other than getting a prescription yourself, I can't help 
     you.  The over the counter stuff isn't strong enough?

CPD: No, they're not.  And Tylenol damages your kidneys too much if 
     you try to o.d. on them.

ALS: Well, I've got a Sig in my car you can borrow...

CPD: Too messy.  I don't want to make a mess.  I just want to go 
     quietly.  That's my style.

ALS: Well... I'll be honest with you CPD.  When someone I know feels 
     the way you do right now, I don't know what to say to them.  For 
     better or worse, I don't know what to say.  If you really feel 
     that way, I have no right to beg you not to do it.  

CPD: I mean, really ALS, why am I here?  There's no reason for me to 
     be here.  There's no reason for anybody to be here.   

ALS: Bullshit, and you know it!  We discussed this awhile ago and you 
     even said yourself "I am here for a reason."  Remember?  You had 
     a vision.

CPD: Yeah, but...

ALS: But what?

CPD: Look around.  What is everybody living for?  What is their true 
     purpose?

ALS: Honestly?  I don't really know.

CPD: Think about it.  Why are you here?  What are you living for 
     right now?  What's your purpose?

*deep, heavy SIGH* followed by a long, long, long pause.

ALS: As far as having some sort of higher purpose for being here, I 
     don't know if I have one.  Only time will tell.  As for what I'm 
     living for now?  Jeez, I knew you'd ask me that... I guess the 
     most important reasons have a lot to do with how I feel at any 
     given point in my life.  And right now the most important things 
     to me are:
     1) To bring as much joy and happiness to the life of the person 
        I love, and
     2) use my time to progress towards my next goal, whatever it 
        might be.
     
     Now that I think about it, I guess part of me is living to 
     accomplish my next goal.  Jeez, ya know, I sound so selfish.
     Don't you have any sort of goals, CPD?

CPD: Well... I want to make a difference.  I wish I could make a 
     difference.  I feel like I'm not making a difference.

ALS: So, what does making a difference mean to you?

CPD: You know, doing something important.  Important for humankind.
     I wish I could find a cure for AIDS.

ALS: You could easily be a part of that, CPD.

CPD: How?  I have no education, I can't afford the education, and if 
     I could, I'm not smart enough to get that far.

ALS: Look CPD, the Dr's and Chemist's aren't the only ones 
     contributing to a cure.  Everybody who gives their time and 
     energy towards the cause is contributing towards the cure.  They 
     count, too.  Giving hope to others is a major contribution in 
     itself.  It's just as valuable as knowledge, research, and 
     monetary contributions.

CPD: I just want to help so much...

ALS: And another thing CPD.  Even if I knew how to get those pills, I
     wouldn't get them for you.

CPD: Why not?

ALS: You're too beautiful of a person, and I won't be a part of that 
     destruction.  Listen to what you just told me... 

CPD: *sigh* I'll see you back at the club...

So CPD picks up her food and heads back.
I'm left sitting alone and staring at my food.
I stare for what feels like an eternity.
Long enough to sit and think about what I just learned from CPD.

Thoroughly compassionate and truly aesthetic.
Exceedingly selfless, too.