ASSC/AFTSD IV - "True Lives"
SamKool@ass-c.com (SamKool)
Date: Thu, 02 Dec 1999 19:12:20 GMT

ASSC: AFTSD IV - "True Lives"

This is the true life of SamKool.

When you work for The Doctrine King you enter the world of double lives. You establish
a unique double life with everyone you meet and you MUST manage to keep all of the 
characters in your numerous double lives isolated from one another, and most 
importantly, all of them must remain unconnected and oblivious to The Doctrine King. 
The position I held for The Doctrine King entitled me to carte blanche. Unlimited access 
and resources wherever I went and no bills to pay. Materially speaking, whatever I 
wanted, I got. That was my compensation. But there was a catch: my entire identity 
belonged to The Doctrine King for as long as I worked for him. Doctrine King 
contractors are forbidden to maintain an individual identity. Knowing I couldn't work for 
The Doctrine King forever, my goal was to eventually leave with some sort of identity 
and at least one whole truth of life intact.

I had already been working for The Doctrine King under the name ALS for 11 years 
before I discovered ASSC. It was inevitable that ASSC would be an addition to my list of 
double lives since many of the characters that comprise the world of ASSC, the strippers 
and the customers, live some sort of double life themselves. ASSCers knew nothing 
about my other lives. They could only speculate about my 'real' life based on what they 
saw, which of course, was not my 'real' life at all. Remember, I'm not allowed to have 
one. All of the fancy cars, clothes, vacations, wining and dining w/ heads of state, etc.
made for a very seductive front (especially for strippers, which is no nuclear secret to 
ASSCers) and I'll be the first to admit: putting up that sort of front was a lot of fun and 
great for the ego. It can really consume you if you're not careful.

Then I saw her on August 27th, 1995... Edie... Yat-tiu... and the moment I saw her my 
heart told me "she's the one" and I knew my life would have to change. I would need to 
have an identity. I called The Doctrine King in February of 1996 and discussed my 
resignation, knowing full well that once you leave The Doctrine King you are a
nobody AND you leave with nothing. Period. [It was decided by him that October 31, 
1996, would be my last day.] Then I violated rule #1. I told her the truth. There was no 
way I could, in good conscience, subject her to all of my double lives and I knew it would 
take a long time to sort out. Was she just attracted to my apparent jet set lifestyle? My 
instincts said "No" and over these past 41/2 years I continue to count my lucky stars. From 
Day One she has never expected anything from me or asked me for anything, EVER. 
Yat-tiu has also had to deal with living 2 double lives due to her previous occupation: 1)
the typical "family not knowing what she does", and 2) not being able to tell anybody 
else what I do, and believe me, people asked her repeatedly. She had to deal with all of 
the talk, rumors, and innuendo about why she was with me. "It has to be for his $$$$$. 
She's got it made now." It wasn't at all easy for her to work around strippers and
customers who constantly reminded her she's only with me because I'm loaded. Nobody 
gave her any credit for just being a person and having a soul because of the mystique that 
surrounded me, and is still surrounding me today. Yat-tiu has known the truth from the 
very beginning, which is:

there is no mystique
there is no money
there is nothing

It has all been smoke and mirrors since October 31, 1996, so I'm posting this to end all 
the speculation right now, here on this AFTSD IV, my 36th birthday. The reality is:

I'm just a nobody with nothing to my name
except a head full of distressing knowledge
and eyes full of unsettling visions

So the burden has been on me to find an identity, any identity. And I'm incredibly lucky 
to have a soul mate helping me every step of the way. Though I don't know what my true 
identity is yet, I managed to leave The Doctrine King with one whole truth of life intact... 
True love...

...and she's beautiful.