THURS.PM@CPSF.PUB

Stopped in briefly to say hi and find ALS and Jade in the throes
of ... conversation. "Ass munch? Munch THIS!"

Natasha comes over and greets me warmly, so warmly that later
that night an IQ-challenged Beavis at the gas station asks,
"Dude, what's all over your face? Haven't you looked in the
mirror, dude?" Back in the car my rear-view mirror reflects a
face covered with lipstick. Life is good. Dude.

No, sorry, ALS. It's "official." You're no longer the most
beautiful woman I've ever seen.

Hi Edie. Bye Edie.

- - - - - - - -

SAT.PM.PARTY@KAT'S.PAD

LAAR: "Hi Mother."

Kat: "Hi Son."

I arrive at Kat's to find Bubba, Josh, JP, DXS (David-X-Saxbeat-
X-whateveritisnow), Dirty Dick and a few others, plus IRL posting
"live" from his laptop. Finally got to meet a principal LAASSCer
- ZBone! 'Bout time, my friend!

Kat: "Are my tits smaller than this guy's"

LAAR: "Hmm. Hard to tell."

DougLee shows up with a "friend" (hey, BFD, she's cute!), who
watches passively as he takes it up the butt from Kat (more
willingly this time than last). Apparently BFing is an acquired
taste.

Can't decide whether to focus my attention on the discussions of
philosophy, education and religion in the kitchen or Kat's armpit
farting in the living room. Guess I'll just stand here in the
doorway and take in the diversity.

Tiki and Tiger (they almost sound like a cartoon couple, don't
they?) arrive, and, as usual, Tiki sweeps me off my feet. "Hey,
would you put me down already! I'm not your plaything!"

Invention whose time has come: The "Keyboard Condom" to protect
your computer from STDs (S.pillage due T.o D.ougLee).

Kat: "Fuck you!"

LAAR: "Fuck YOU!"

Kat: "FUCK YOU!"

LAAR: "Okay, tommorrow night. $20. For an extra $20 I'll take my
top off."

Kat: "Fuck you."

- - - - - - - -

ASS-CON1@CPSF.PUB

Never seen CP so busy at 8:00 pm.

DXS, "deep" thanks for the Katlap (tm). I owe you!

Kat, "deep" thanks for the Katlap (tm). You're sooo affectionate!
Oooh Baby! Sorry, didn't mean to call you "baby."

All who didn't make the trip missed yet another rectal violation
of Back Door Doug, this time by Tiki, with a little help from the
scheming audience.

Hey Natasha, looks like nice girls finish first! Congrats! Nobody
deserved it more. Now I guess it really is "official", huh?

LAAR Gets Blindsided:

You know that feeling when you eat a brownie sundae and the heat
from the brownie comes as a surprising contrast to the coldness
of the ice cream? (Yeah, there's a point; bear with me.) I made a
new acquaintance at ASS-Con1. Without even mentioning her name,
those who have seen her will know who she is.

Her striking appearance cannot escape your notice: Japanese,
5'3", short (I mean *short*) black hair, shaved up the back,
spiked randomly on top, accessorized by black lipstick and
piercings through her tongue and lower lip. A short dagger once
appeared as her sole stage prop. My initial thought  when I first
saw her was that I'd hate to cross her path in a dark alley.
"J--- the Blade," I thought. Definitely a don't-fuck-with-me kind
of look. The kind of look I normally find decidedly unappealing.

But the apparent hardness of her exterior is deceptive, and even
brief conversation betrays her warmth and intelligence. And
sexiness. Unintentional sexiness - intense, but unrehearsed.
Suddenly she is exotic and erotic, not icy and intimidating, and
not at all aloof. Her partially shorn-away hair reveals a shapely
neck made to be kissed, or bitten. Her eyes alone...   And
the rest of her was made to be embraced tightly. Now not only is
she not unattractive, she is incredibly desireable.

I was caught totally off guard by the paradox. It's amazing how
perception of visual beauty can be unlocked by non-visual
stimuli. Gotta be a word for that.

--
LAAR