At ASSCon-3, Tall Guy was like the person who anchors you to reality when you
are on a drug trip.  Every now and then I'd come up for a breath from the
MSC-induced haze and his face would be the first I'd see.  "How you doing,
Rita?" he'd ask kindly, "Still dazed?"  "Uh huh," I'd giggle, and turn my head
and stare off into space for another hour.  Finally, after I ate a turkey
burger and some French fries at Sparky's diner, I regained my consciousness
enough to flash the restaurant as I tried to maneuver out of my seat by
climbing OVER Maz and LMR.

I had actually been in this stupor since Saturday night, when Dara and I had
our night out at the Nob Hill Theatre for Men.  I remember all of it in vivid
detail but the one image that really exemplifies my experience was when Nik,
my burly Russian lap-dancing hunk of a sweating man, lifted my ankles over my
head and up onto his shoulders.  He pressed his America-flag swathed member
right exactly there between my thighs and I slid down a little lower in the
theatre-style seat so that someone sitting behind me would have only seen a
pair of stockinged and high-heeled legs sticking up from beneath the meaty
manly tattooed Terminator.  Nik admiringly observed, "You're very flexible,
aren't you?!"  Yes, darling.

My other Nick, Nickuno had bailed on me the weekend of ASSCon-3 for a trip to
some foreign country.  I thought about asking Victor and Edie if I could tag
along with them, but then I realized I would never get there if I did.
Finally, LMR agreed to be my BYOD.  (Bring Your Own Dude)  After we arrived, I
sent Abnormal to fetch me some change, doled out some ones for LMR to tip the
girlies, and settled in the front row to watch the show.  I used to have a
rule that I didn't go to any clubs where I knew the girls who worked there.
What a stupid rule that was.  I had no idea what I was missing.  I originally
established that rule because of an awkward experience at the Lusty Lady when
all the girls stopped dancing as soon as my window slid up and stared at me
and finally said, "You used to work here didn't you?"  I felt kind of cornered
and it was no fun and I especially felt like a traitor being there with a man
whose belt I had just unbuckled.

As Dara commented later, it seemed like we knew all the dancers at the MSC
that night.  Not only that, but I had some super human brain power ability to
recall exactly where and when I had met every single woman there.  So for
example when Decadence approached me and asked, "Where do I know you from?" I
could reply, "Lusty Lady Summer 1996 and Chez Paree Spring 1997"  It was kind
of like being at a really sexy high school reunion, I think.  My enhanced
brain ability was foiled only by the fact that on that very same night I had
to be reintroduced to almost all the unfamiliar ASSCers I had already met in
Vegas because I only remember faces *after* I've seen them naked.

I went into a kind of a trance at the MSC on Sunday night.  I felt like I was
a buttery croissant and all the dancers were filling me with chocolate.  The
stage shows alone were the best I've seen in San Francisco in a long time.
Decadence was so incredibly perfect, dancing burlesque-style in a
hip-enhancing bustle skirt with a long stemmed rose in her mouth, not
smiling-being sultry and passionate instead.  For her last song, the lights
dimmed and she wore a sheer wrap that slid off as she bent backwards on her
knees in the middle of the catwalk and smiled wide, letting her head dip back.
 I looked all over her body and saw the sweat on the nape of her neck.

Decadence was followed by Gypsy, a sort of faux-belly dancer who wouldn't have
been so notable to me except that she didn't stop looking at me the entire
time on stage.   I am not even sure what she looks like except for her green
eyes and her glittering red lipstick.  By then I was sitting next to Dyn0 and
clutching his inner thigh with my right hand.  Always the creative soul, he
had blown up his latex glove, attached it to the rail, and placed a dollar
bill between the fingers so that it looked like a bodiless hand was offering
tips to the dancers.  I asked Dyn0 if he would buy me a dance with Gypsy and
when he gave his consent, we set out to find her.  Actually Dyn0 did all the
finding. I just stood in the corner while other dancers came up and fondled
me.  One woman pressed her ass into my ass and rubbed it up and down and all
over just to say hello.  Then Gypsy took us to one of the curtained booths in
the Bangkok Room.  I climbed up on the bedlike platform.  Gypsy giggled and
gyrated on me for awhile but then she asked me to put on a show for her.  Ha
ha.  No, she didn't ask me that, but that was what Deaf Girl heard.  I asked
incredulously, "You want me to Put On A Show?"  She and Dyn0 laughed happily
at the misunderstanding.  No, she had asked if I would Sit in a Chair because
the bed was not good for her positioning.  Put On A Show.  Sit In A Chair.
The crazy thing was that I was ready to pull down my panties and start playing
with myself if it would make her happy.

Once we were settled into the chair, I blew my secret identity as a dancer.
Until then, she hadn't known what to make of our gathering-thought maybe it
was my birthday party or something-but then I made my blunder.  I was sitting
in the chair, Gypsy was straddling me, Dyn0 was standing against the wall.  I
had my right arm around Gypsy's ass, my left leg propped up on the bed thus
causing Gypsy to be cradled against me.  The song ended. I said to Dyn0, "Can
I have another dance?"  Who can spot my mistake, my give-away?  Gypsy did.
She immediately lifted up her head and inquired, "Where do YOU dance?"  She
continued, "That break between songs is something customers NEVER hear!"
Sigh.  Thank-you Dyn0…

Actually, I wasn't really a dancer at this ASSCon.  Later, when we were at the
Lucky 13 Bar, I confessed to LMR, Dara, Maz, Tall Guy and Infamous that all I
do these days is play pinball and read comic books.  Luckily it turned out
that the bar was not only one of the few smoking arenas left in San Francisco
(generating my first cigar-smoking experience, thanks to the always prepared
LMR), but also host to a Dracula pinball machine which satisfied my few
remaining urges.

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