I read a post the other night here about a guy who went to buy flowers
for a dancer, ask her to dinner, etc. Although this may not be a popular
post with these guys, I just thought I would share a perspective from the
other side of the equation, that of a bar employee. I am not trying to
start a flamewar, just sharing. Here goes:

A little background is in order. As a younger man (22), I worked in 
several topless bars as a bouncer while I went to college in Colorado and 
Texas. From there I worked as a bar back, then up to bartender 
eventually. I got out of the business about four years ago (I am now 31), 
so I have had an opportunity to interact directly (much to my peril) with 
several hundred dancers, their significant others, and their regulars. 
During the course of this wonderful journey, I have made a few 
observations, and will share them with you here. Although there are 
exceptions to every rule, there are some basic patterns that repeat 
themselves for all eternity.

First, you have the RIL (Regular In Love, I am adding my own acronyms
now). The RIL is a nice guy, probably too nice, who does not have a wife
or girlfriend usually, and has mistaken a dancer for a suitable 
relationship target. The RIL brings flowers, buys laps to the exclusion 
of other dancers, invites her to dinner, and takes her shopping. The 
dancer may even let the RIL take her to a concert or something. However, 
the RIL will not get laid, or become a boyfriend. To the dancer, he is a 
"moneyman", a finite resource of cash and favors that will wear out 
eventually (either because the relationship does not progress for the RIL
and he gets frustrated or another dancer catches his eye).  Other dancers 
do not get _jealous_ when a moneyman gets "stolen" by another dancer, 
they get _pissed off_ because they are losing money, not because they 
care about you. When a RIL brings flowers (for example), everyone on the 
staff laughs and goes "another sucker". The dancer will pitch them when 
she goes backstage or will give them to her boyfriend. Same with cards 
and letters. The dancer will string the RIL out just as long as he keeps 
dishing money and doesn’t become too annoying, always promising they will 
go out sometime or whatever, never delivering the goods. One way to know 
you have crossed over into RIL territory is when the dancer starts
hustling you for "car repair money" or whatever else her current con is, 
or asks you for loans. Run, do not walk to the nearest exit.

Want to know if a dancer really likes you? She will take you home and 
bang you, usually the first night you meet her. She will buy beers for 
you when you come into the club and pursue an encounter. You will feel 
like a hunted animal, as dancers are not shy about taking what they want. 
Normally, you have to be in a local rock band or look like Mel Gibson to 
qualify for this treatment. But if you, Mr. Average-Joe-On-The-Street, 
are doing the pursuing, you’re already dead. Save yourself the time,
money, and embarrassment. Dancers will not decide a month down the road 
you are wonderful and start dating you, they will decide 5 seconds after 
they meet you, and this is the one thing that most RIL’s can’t get 
through their heads. They think if they keep at it long enough, 
eventually they will win her over. Never happens.

If you *really* want to score with dancers, just work at a club. For some 
retarded reason, the dancer’s consider the help their personal sextoys. 
Ask any bouncer (who doesn’t look like Quasimodo) and he will tell you he 
has banged at least half the chicks in the place. They will actually
*fight* over the help, and the help doesn’t even have to be cute. And 
truly, I can not explain why (as bouncers have no money whatsoever and
are usually macho jerks, myself included), other than as men, the help is 
on a different footing with the dancers than the RIL’s are. For one, they 
are "in on the joke" that the customers are sheep to be fleeced and 
discarded (it’s hard to have respect for a sukka, no?). Also, the 
bouncers know the truth about the dancers, whether they have boyfriends, 
who they have banged, etc., while the RIL’s only know the fake personas, 
and any relationship based on lies can not succeed. A dancer can be open 
and honest with the help, and honesty builds trust and affection. Strange
but true. The good news is that clubs are always hiring, as they have a 
very transient workforce. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Also, many of you are overlooking TPT (The Painful Truth), which is that 
if you pursue a dancer, by some act of God you might actually CATCH HER. 
Not a good idea, let me share why….I *married* one. We worked together at 
a club, started dating, got married, had kids. Here’s the rub: they never 
get the "dancer mentality" out of their heads. For all eternity, they 
think that they can wiggle their butts and strangers will throw $100 
bills at them. Try supporting a dancer who is used to making $1500 a week
when she isn’t cute enough to work anymore and you make $400 a week (with 
two kids). Any normal job is of no interest to them when compared with
the dancer cashflow (trying getting them to waitress or something, woo 
woo woo). Try explaining what a budget is to someone who hasn’t even 
filed taxes in her adult life (most dancers do not exist to the IRS, most 
clubs care less about filing paperwork, and dancers that do almost never 
claim tips). Add that to the fact that most dancers are sluts, and you 
are in for a crappy life. My credit may always be fucked up, it is like 
living with a total retard. Sure, if you buy a Ferrari, you will have a 
lot of fun driving it and rubbing it with a diaper. For the first few
months. But five years down the road, when the novelty has worn off and 
you are staring those $1000 a month payments in the face, you will be 
poor, it will be leaking oil all over your driveway, and you will be 
eating Big Macs in it and not care if the "special sauce" gets all over 
the seats. And you will wish you had got a Chevy instead, something 
reliable and inexpensive, that works hard and that you can count on. I am 
just starting to get my life financially unfucked, and that had to be 
done by tearing up all her credit cards and taking her name off all the 
checking accounts. I hand her a cash allowance every day, and no matter 
how much I give her, $2 or $200, it is unappreciated and gone by the end
of the day. And it is never enough….nothing is good enough. I would spare 
you all this fate.

Wanna find a suitable woman who won’t make you crazy? Try joining a club 
that has something to do with what you like to do, as that is the key to 
happiness….finding someone with common interests. Or church even (at 
least that will lessen the probability of finding your wife riding the 
mailman). Leave the strip clubs to their true purpose: to entertain us, 
not to serve as a dating service. I look at dancers like R-rated hookers: 
a little bump and grind to distract me from a crappy day. I pay for the
priviledge of getting butt-buffed by a professional and having the added 
bonus of not having to call, interract, understand or care about their 
feelings or anything they say or do. I bring maybe $40 with me and never 
go more than a couple times a week. I never hang around specific dancers 
so that none of them get the impression I am "their" regular, and avoid 
sitting and chatting, just get laps if I feel like it and watch the 
carnage from afar. I rotate the clubs I go to so that I am not in the 
same one often enough to get labeled a "regular" or know the bouncer by 
name. I could care less who the dancers are or what they are thinking, I 
could care less what their names are…I just want to see their butts and
forget about my problems for a few hours. Then I get up and go home. 
Since I adopted this policy, I am a lot richer and a lot happier. Dancers
can make you nuts, and the guys who blow their paychecks on them really 
need a wakeup call. Don’t be a RIL, the bank account you save could be 
your own! 

Fusion